Long distance is so tough. You just want to reach out to that person, squeeze them and never let them go. I’m having the best time in my new home so far (more on that soon!) but I’d be lying if I said that every now and again a moment of deep-belly-sickness comes around making you want a person who knows you like the back of your hand close to you.
I’m currently in a 20-minute blip of deep-belly-sickness and thought I’d write a quick memo about it. I’m not usually such an over-sharer but I guess today I am! Haha, I’m probably going to sound a little vulnerable and emotional- and I am! So let’s all try and respect the fact I’m not usually an emotional writer and leave some love!
I don’t think, no actually I know, that this doesn’t just apply to people with ‘labels’ like ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ or something like that, actually I think there’s a lot of power in a relationship without a label but I’m going off from my original point. My point is: You can miss anyone, and it can be really tough to both keep that relationship as strong as it was when you were closer together and also it can be hard when they’re not around. I never thought I would’ve said this but I don’t miss the UK at all, I don’t even miss my home Uni and I even don’t miss Berlin as much as I thought I would, but I do miss my people. I miss everything about them and I would do anything to fly across Europe right now to have pancakes with them.
I’ve thrown myself into life here, keeping busy, meeting new people and taking part in all the socializing I could possibly handle and I think I’m actually doing really well settling in here but it’s not all 100% plain settling and I think it’s really important to write that down too. Leaving Berlin was a major shock for me, everything I’d adjusted to knowingly and otherwise was gone in a flash and I’ve now been thrown into a city which is entirely foreign to me. This naturally takes some adjusting to and took the wind out of my sails a little. I can’t wait to tell you how amazing my roommates are and about my encounter’s with the Dutch cycling culture (they’ve been mixed!😅) but today I guess it’s the day for a little ‘I miss you’ note to my favorites.
Head or Heart.
I could fly to Berlin, or wherever, tomorrow. I could do it. And my god have I been tempted. But realistically that’s not going to help, at least not in the transition time when I’m getting used to my new life here. I really want to throw myself into student living here, try and keep up with the workload (HELP!😂), and make lots of new friends. Therefore practically it doesn’t make sense to leave Utrecht right now.
I can’t wait to hopefully go back and see my people in April in Berlin but until then I’m trying to stay settled as much as possible. And the worst thing probably about this little conundrum is that when you have the capability to go somewhere (even though it would be a strain on me financially) and choose not to, it can come across that you don’t care. I know my friends and important people totally understand and would never think this of me but it does crop up in my head sometimes. It hurts because obviously, I DO care about these people more than anything, they mean the world to me and are some of the truest friends I’ve ever been blessed to have in my life. All in all, I think I’m doing the right thing. I’m staying put for a few weeks to help me settle in and acclimatize to the totally new environment around me but it still hurts every now and again. At the end of the day, we’re all so lucky to have WhatsApp and FaceTime etc. and the positive spin is that if it actually pains you to be away from some people, then at least you know you’ve found the people you really should be around.
To my friends and important people, I can’t be with right now: I love you so much. I’ll come and see you all soon, and in the meantime please understand you’re so important to me.
I’m off out now to distract myself and meet some new people. I’m all fine but sometimes things pop up and I just wanted to note that down.