This means thinking…and that’s mainly good, (and very necessary!) but can also be troubling and let your thoughts slip to places you’d been distracting them from. And two particular things have been on my mind recently, 1) friendships that have faded since starting my year abroad, and 2) how genuinely devastated I am to be leaving Berlin.
Let’s tackle these one at a time:
- Fading friendships… I always think of friendships as a scale, every single relationship is different and that’s what makes them so interesting and lovely but that also means there are differing longevities to them. I am delighted to say that through my Year Abroad I have realised how absolutely and perfectly wonderful some of my friends back in the U.K. are! I’ve become so close with a group of course mates and we’ve all helped each other with some kind of meltdown along the way. Meanwhile, some friendships from back at Uni make me feel as if I’ve only been away a week or so. True friends are the best thing ever. But, having said all of this I’d be lying if I said some of my relationships hadn’t struggled since moving abroad. Funnily enough, some of the people I thought I’d stay glued to and have the best weekend visits with, are actually the ones that have suffered the most. And it’s not from lack of trying. There comes a point where you have to accept that it’s probably just not going to be like it once was. There are only so many ignored texts I could take before I had to start coming to terms with the fact that some things you’ve just got to let go.
Let’s not be too overly dramatic here, it’s not all doom and gloom. To put a positive spin we could say: ‘It’s all part of growing up!’ Or ‘The most important people are the ones who stick around!’ And I hear you loud and clear but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt sometimes.
2. I don’t want to go home… As everyone around me was seemingly counting down the days to their Christmas visit home all I could focus on was how this meant I was leaving Berlin, and I so didn’t want to. I miss the people there more than anything and have a major fear of missing out. I keep thinking about all the antics we got up to and the hundreds of things I still have on my to-do list in Berlin, and keep recounting all the things I should’ve, would’ve and could’ve done better if I had more time there now. But I guess that’s just how it goes, I was so caught up in the city and my routine there and everything is always so much different with hindsight.
All in all…it’s not a disaster!
I suppose for someone who really wasn’t that ‘begeistert’ about leaving my home Uni in the first place, not wanting to leave my first year abroad stop could be seen as a pretty big win! I think it’s still important to stay realistic though and not just ignore the tricky parts of my year abroad so that’s my pondering session over!🙈
All in all, I think this is all pretty normal and a classic case of a Year Abroad ‘come down’. Right now it feels pretty shitty but I know I’ll be back in Berlin sooner rather than later and what’s more… I booked my single-way flight to Amsterdam today for chapter 2!